I have worked in a “professional” setting as a graphic designer for over 10 years now. Which basically means, I’m a cubicle dweller and I have to share my work space with dozens of other people on a daily basis. I had my own office for six months once, but then my company moved out of that building and I was forced back into cubicle slavery. I think those six months of joyous personal space ruined me for life.

Let me tell you, in those 10+ years I have worked with some of the nicest people in the world. I have made some great relationships, some of which have lasted for those 10+ years! But on the flipside, I have also worked with some of the strangest people in the world. I’m not exaggerating or being dramatic to have something to talk about…

One girl brought a gaggle of stuffed animals with her to work daily. Each day at the end of the day, while having a cigarette I would watch as she was leaving. She had to meticulously buckle each of them into their seatbelts before pulling out of the parking lot. I’m not really sure what was going on there… Safety first I guess?

Another woman’s desk was such a war zone that the management had to send her home early once every few months to clean her desk for her. The paper clutter was the least of people’s worries. The ants and other bugs that were attracted to the things inside her desk were what people were freaked out about.

We had another guy who got a kick out of stealing people’s lunches out of the communal refrigerators. Nobody knew who the sticky fingered noms-bandit was for the longest time. People’s food went missing for years… people just thought it was some cheap asshole stealing their food so they didn’t have to go buy a lunch. However, everything came to a boil one day when someone went into the cafeteria and caught the guilty party popping ketchup packets all over the lunch room. During the task of cleaning up the ketchup that covered every surface, the janitorial staff moved the refrigerators and other appliances away from the walls and,  Surprise! All of the missing food was found thrown behind the refrigerators, pop machines and vending machines. All of of it was completely unopened, untouched. He apparently just got a kick out of squashing people’s hopes and dreams of enjoying their ham and cheese hot pockets for lunch by throwing them behind the appliances. He quit shortly after that… possibly out of fear of the owners of all those hot pockets?

I’ve dealt with 20-something dudes who had never met Mr. Soap or Mrs. Shampoo. A guy who chewed tobacco and spit into a pop bottle at his desk. A guy who “broke wind” as if he were at home watching The Fast and the Furious with his pals over a beer in his Lazy Boy recliner. A lady who used to eat her lunch in the bathroom stall. A girl who slept at her desk to recover from the alcoholic benders she partook in the night before. A lady who clipped her fingernails at her desk and sent the clippings onto neighbors desk, keyboard, drinks etc…

But hey, no judgements! I got along with them all just fine! I just can’t imagine some of these people in job interviews…

Which brought me my little art project of the day. It’s an infographic on how NOT to be a JERK at the office!

How to NOT be a Jerk in an Office Setting!

 

This was intended to be purely for entertainment purposes only! I’m not posting this on my bulletin board or passing it out to new hires or anything.

It’s a joke… kind of…

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