Today is my favorite holiday of the year! Happy Halloween, dudes!
One of the very first posts I wrote on my blog was about why I love Halloween so much (read that post here!)
This time of year also means that there is almost guaranteed to be a good movie on TV at night! It seems like all of the networks have their own little way to pay tribute to Halloween. AMC has #AMCFearFest, ABC Family has 13 Nights of Halloween, SYFY has 31 Days of Halloween. Needless to say, we do a lot of TV viewing in October at our house.
So Hubster and I decided that we should rack our brains and narrow down our top 20 favorite horror flicks of all time! So you can do what we do: Order a pizza or curl up with a bowl of popcorn and some hot/hard cider and enjoy a few good jumps tonight, like we do every year on Halloween! We have a few traditions in our house, but this one is taken the most seriously! (Aside from a new possible tradition with my bro-in-law, DJ where we save our Christmas trees, then set them on fire in the yard in the spring.)
Travis wants the XXXXXTRA Butter Popcorn, I call dibs on the white cheddar popcorn!
So without further ado… Because I’ve always wanted to be Elvira Mistress of the Dark and be my own Horror Hostess… I present to you… (cue lightning strike sound effects!)
UNHIPDOTCOM’S TOP 20 HORROR FLICKS
20. Psycho (1998)
This was a remake of Hitchcock’s 1960 thriller. It’s about a young woman embezzling money from her boss who decides to skip town and picks the wrong motel to stay at! When it comes to most things, I think the originals are the best, but for some reason, I tend to prefer remakes when it comes to movies. I like the updates and the fact that they make them a little gorier! This was the first Vince Vaughn movie I’d ever seen, he played the perfect Norman Bates!
19. The Shining (1980)
A family travels to a creepy hotel in the mountains to serve as the winter care-takers. Jack Nicholson’s character is a writer and takes the opportunity of peace and quiet to write a book. Well he doesn’t get very far before he starts flippin’ out on his wife and son. It’s bizarre, it’s creepy, it’s a damn good flick. This movie coined the phrases “Red Rum!” and “Heeeeeeeeeere’s Johnny!”
18. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
Speaking of coined phrases… “They’re coming to get you, Barbara!” is probably the most quoted phrases in my house. This is, in my opinion, the #1 cult classic zombie flick of all time and was George A. Romero’s first movie ever. In 1968, people had seen “horror films” but nothing like this. Even young children were permitted to attend since in ’68, the MPAA Film Rating System didn’t exist. As film critic, Roger Ebert said “I don’t think they knew what hit them.” Haha! Suckas!
I’m sure there are a lot of people that will probably threaten to punch me in the face for this pick… but Scream holds a special place in my heart. This movie came out in 1996 when I was in 7th grade. We went to the “old movie theater” in my hometown and saw this movie for 99 cents… at least 15 times. It was the first real horror movie of my generation and was directed by scream king Wes Craven. (You know, the creator of Freddy Kreuger?!) The killer in this movie is Ghostface.
When I was 15, I wore a Ghostface mask in a haunted house I worked in. My sole purpose was to usher people safely down a flight of stairs into the haunted house… well needless to say, most of the hillbillies who were our paying customers were drunk as skunks by the end of the night. One dumbass started to fall down the stairs and threw his hands out and latched onto my… er… chest… to keep from completely wiping out. He loudly screamed at the top of his lungs, “Duuuuuude! Scream guy isn’t a guy, I totally just grabbed a boob!”
I could have died.
Although, to be honest, this Stephen King movie about a giant crazy ass St. Bernard infected with rabies, actually makes me cry… There’s still something about it that is horrifying. I guess because it could possibly happen. My mom always swore our neighbor lady’s dog was Cujo. She would call ahead and make her lock the dog up before she went to visit because the dog actually would bite her tires. Woof!
15. The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
A vacationing family gets stranded in the desert and are being stalked by a group of weirdos who live in the hills. Although admittedly I never saw the original, I can’t imagine anything being more horrifying than the remake. This one stuck with me, particularly after I went to a weekend-long music festival and I heard a girl in line for the port-a-john exclaiming she didn’t want to go because she was afraid someone would pull some “the Hills Have Eyes bullshit.” This movie is promised to make you feel… uncomfortable.
14. The Evil Dead Trilogy (1981)
Admittedly, when I watched the first Evil Dead for the first time with my then-boyfriend Travis, I didn’t really get it.
So before you delve into this cult classic, understand this… The Writer/Director Sam Raimi and the star of this film, Bruce Campbell had been friends their entire lives when they produced this gem. At the tender age of 20, the two ventured into the woods and began a project they considered a “rite of passage” called The Evil Dead. They spent less than $100,000.00 to make it. The cabin in the film is located in Morristown, Tennessee and is actually where everyone on the set had to stay during the 12 weeks of filming! The conditions sucked so bad, on the last few days of filming, they had to resort to burning the furniture to stay warm! The movie was eventually released and actually out-grossed other large-budget releases like The Shining! It earned a total $2,400,00 worldwide, nearly eight times it’s production budget!
Then they created Evil Dead II out of “desperation.” It is considered to be a comedy horror and a parody sequel to Evil Dead, but was actually more like a re-make of the first film. It was definitely was corny, but immediately made me a Bruce Campbell fan for life.
Then came Army of Darkness… where our hero Ash (Bruce Campbell) is trapped in the middle ages and is forced to battle the undead while attempting to return to present day. Let’s just say people like… my grandma probably wouldn’t appreciate any of the Evil Dead movies.
If you liked the original Evil Dead, don’t bother with the 2013 remake, it was a total fart-fest.
13. The Crazies (2010)
Another remake about the residents of a small rural town mysteriously plagued by insanity. Also guaranteed to make you start locking your doors at car washes. Starring the dude from the show Justified!
12. The Woman in Black
This is probably another controversial pick. Starring Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe… or Daniel Boringcliffe) as “A young lawyer travels to a remote village where he discovers the vengeful ghost of a scorned woman is terrorizing the locals.” – IMDb
Something about this movie just didn’t sit right with me… from the marsh “scene” to the creepy house. I definitely flinched and shrieked a few times.
11. Tucker & Dale vs. Evil
This might be Travis’ #1 based solely on the pain it brought to him… The pain from laughter as he rolled around on our bed as tears streamed down his face from cry-laughing. This really was hysterical, starring Alan Tudyk who I believe is highly under-appreciated!
In this Horror Comedy, all Tucker and Dale wanna do is fix up their vacation home when they are attacked by college kids who start “hucking themselves into the wood chipper!” This is usually on Netflix and is worth a look-see! But don’t forget the tissues!
Ahhh the coveted top 10… In this zombie slaying tale, the characters are simply named after their hometown. The star of the film just so happens to be Columbus! (As in Columbus, Ohio which just so happens to be my lovely home!) It follows four characters as they join forces to travel across a post-zombie-apocalyptic America in search of an amusement park. It has Emma Stone and Woody Harrelson in it, what more could you ask for?! Also a horror comedy!
9. Shaun of the Dead
This awesome flick starring two of possibly the funniest men on the planet, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost in another zombie comedy. It gives people like me real hope, who I previously thought would have no chance of survival in a zombie outbreak! You really can be a deadbeat and still hack it! It also will make you giggle every time someone orders a Bloody Mary!
8. World War Z
By far the most realistic of all the zombie flicks. This movie focuses on the outbreak being a real illness and not really being “zombies.” Brad Pitt (Owooogah!) is an ex-government dude trying to save the day and his family from the disease taking over the world. This movie actually sparked a genuine conversation between my family members as to what we would do in the event of a zombie outbreak. I can’t tell you our plan… but let’s just say, we’re probably going to be the ones to survive and repopulate the earth… using Brad Pitt.
7. Dawn of the Dead
Ok, another remake and possibly the most horrifying of all, (after the next on the list) because in this zombie movie (sorry, another one…) the bastards can run! The name pretty much explains it all. This one made the list because I tried to keep in mind any movies that actually made me change my habits, and this one did just that. I used to have to sleep with my bedroom door open because I wanted to hear if someone was coming to get me so I could shoot them in the face before they knew what was coming. However after I watched this movie, I am now a door-shut kinda person! If you watch the first 5 minutes of the movie, you’ll know what I’m talking about!
This flick also inspired my zombie survival plan. Again, can’t divulge any details. Because then I won’t get to repopulate the world with Brad.
6. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
The BEST remake of all time. A group of kids end up being stalked down and hacked up one by one by a chainsaw-wielding maniac and his family. The original version never really showed much… but this one… Lordy! I saw this in college and spent most of the movie with my coat over my head. I explained my aversion to chainsaws in that previous post. I can’t even stand the smell of them! Ugh.
5. Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon
“The next great psycho horror slasher has given a documentary crew exclusive access to his life as he plans his reign of terror over the sleepy town of Glen Echo, all the while deconstructing the conventions and archetypes of the horror genre for them” – IMDb
We rented this through Netflix on accident a few years back and it is one of our favorites now. Parts of it are really funny, and has really unique plot and has some crazy twists and even has Robert Englund, and Hershel (Scott Wilson) from the Walking Dead in it!
4. Halloween (1978)
This is the quintessential movie of the season. I argue with Travis all the time about it being the best of the three O.G. slashers (Freddy, Jason or Michael Myers). It’s the only realistic of the three and who isn’t afraid of a little kid who murdered his sister and was then institutionalized for 17 years, then broke out to return and finish what he started? The original version starring Jamie Lee Curtis was the perfect horror movie.
3. Halloween (2007)
The original was the perfect horror movie… until my main man Robert “Bobby” Zombie remade it. Again, probably another controversial pick… I liked that this version goes a little more in depth in the story line and explains the back story of Michael growing up and what made him finally lose it. The kid who plays young Michael is adorbs and the adult version of Mikey is played by Tyler Mane, the former pro-wrestler/X-Man Sabretooth… although you never see his face. While, Sheri Moon Zombie, who I tell people is my sister, plays Michael’s mom, whose poor, trailer-parkish, stripper, dirt-bag-bf-having self probably was the main reason Michael turned into a bad egg.
2. Pet Sematary
A family’s new home holds the power of life after death! I don’t know why this is my number 2. Probably because I like almost all Stephen King movies and loved all the books I’ve read. Maybe it’s the fact that Herman Munster (Fred Gwynne) is the neighbor? Maybe because the family cat is a zombie? Or that The Ramones did a song for the soundtrack! If you haven’t seen this movie from 1989 yet, you’ve been living under a rock!
1. The Devil’s Rejects
Don’t let this one’s predecessor House of 1000 Corpses deter you. Possibly one of the most twisted, yet quotable movies of all time. Also written and directed by my boy, Bobby Zombie! This is about the hillbilly, murderin’ Firefly family who take to the road to escape an Elvis lovin’ policeman whose one goal is to seek vengeance upon them for killing his brother.
Bill Moseley, who plays one of the main characters, Otis P. Driftwood, said even he had a hard time carrying out some of the sick crap he had to do while acting in this delightful cinematic adventure! Sid Haig as the creepy clown Captain Spaulding is probably one of my favorite antiheroes of all time. This movie also has THE BEST soundtrack of all time, with tons of southern rock jams that really make it feel polished. This movie is NOT for the faint of heart.
Travis suggested Stephen King’s IT, which I have not seen since I was probably 8. So I couldn’t really write about from a place of understanding, since all I really remember is that it’s about a clown played by
a Sweet Transvestite from Transsexual Transylvania Tim Curry. It was also technically, according to IMDb a TV mini-series, not a movie.
Also, I totally acknowledge that I excluded all Freddy and Jason movies. While I did not sleep for nearly a year after watching Freddy vs. Jason when I was in 4th grade at a friend’s house (which is why I was not allowed to have sleep-overs again for a few years after that), they’re still not really up there for me. I felt that they were over done and I haven’t even seen a lot of either of those “series”. So while “in real life” neither Jason nor Freddy can die, it was a difficult decision but I felt like I had to kill them from my list. Sorry Freddy/Jason lovers.
Did I forget any? Feel free to comment, you guys are kinda quiet.